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Writer, Library Media Specialist, flautist, member of the Twitterverse

Monday, May 13, 2013

Nature or Nurture?

    I stink at nurturing myself. Really stink at it. I sat on the couch through one of the worst movies ever on Saturday afternoon, Event Horizon, for two and a half hours thinking "I should turn this off" but I didn't, not once. In it, an experimental spaceship named Event Horizon navigates by folding space, enabling the shortest distance between two places to no longer be a straight line and thereby doing all sorts of funky things to the space time continuum, effectively allowing the ship to outrun light speed. This space folding concept has fascinated me ever since I read A Wrinkle in Time seven times in the fourth grade. Author Madeleine L'Engle (Smith '41) deemed it a tesseract; I just thought it was cool. But this concept took up a mere five minutes of plot time. The rest was dedicated to a search for a missing crew, followed by a realization that the ship had traveled to hell and brought hell back with it through a black hole and hell was now living within its walls. The crew then begins to die off in various hellish hallucinatory ways, one by one. I spoil this only  to spare you the agony I experienced at its hands because as I said, I really stink at nurturing myself.
Because of my profession, teaching, I am used to giving, giving, giving to others. It feels natural, it is habitual, it is ingrained. But after twenty plus years of donating, I need some return. So foreign is the concept of nurturing myself that I am about to hang a list of how to do so in my house in strategic places so that when I blank out, I can refer to it. Things like:
  • have a cup of tea
  • drink a glass of cold water
  • make an ice cream cone
  • take a long walk outside
  • sit by the river
  • listen to Broadway show tunes
  • take tap dancing lessons
  • go to a concert
  • go to a play
  • go to a museum
  • go to Boston
  • go to NYC
  • make a lunch date with _________
  • travel
  • walk Mark's dogs
  • cuddle LP (Little Pup)
  • garden
  • write, write, write
  • go to writing conferences
  • play your flute
  • find the creatives
  • hang out with the creative types a massive amount
Ridiculous to have to remind oneself to take self-care by posting a written list? Absolutely. Necessary in this whirlwind world? Perhaps. Up against such natural self-sacrifice, I must conscientiously choose nurture because it doesn't choose me.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

We Few, We Band of Brothers

For my AP kids taking their AP Composition exam tomorrow
(based on the Henry 5th St. Crispin's Day speech):

By Jove, I am not covetous for each a score of five,
Nor care I who doth feed upon your essays.
It yearns me not if disagreeable men your multiple choice score;
... Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
This day is call'd the AP testing day.
Those who outlive this day, and write safely home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse at the name of AP Comp.
Those who shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is AP test day.'
Then strip his sleeve and show his scars, on callous'd hand and laptop screen
And say 'These writing wounds I had on AP Comp day. Ear-ned Ethos!'
Old men forget; yet not all logos shall be forgot,
But we'll remember, with advantages,
What artistic feats we did compose that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in the mouth as household words- Deep River and Chester and Essex
Block 2 and Block 4 be in their freight train cups freshly rememb'red.
This story of pathos shall the good parents teach their children;
And AP Comp, AP Comp shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of AP Comp brothers;
For he to-day that writes his rhetorical analysis, argumentative and synthesis with
me shall be my wordsmith brother;
And all in Deep River now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their wordsmithhoods cheap whiles any other speaks
of those that fought with us upon AP Comp testing day.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

A Massive Dose of Truth Telling

On the first day of class I tell my writing students I will teach them everything I know about writing, knowledge acquired over years of study and practice, provided they promise me one thing: to use what I teach them about writing for good. Once you know how to craft language effectively, once you find your voice, once you know how to unleash words upon others for the greatest impact, you can do so either with grace or with malice. Lately I feel like malice is winning out in so many arenas, in Newtown and in Boston, and by proxy at the NRA national conference and in Congress, though not necessarily in my students' work. As we read through Hamlet, witnessing firsthand Denmark's disease and decay, I was thrust into the world of malice quite tangibly, surrounded though not yet consumed by it. Through Shakespeare's mirror I could clearly see the field of education's corrupted reflection and for at least the past two years, those of us in education have heard little but malice directed at us every day.

Current education reform places the entire blame for America's academic woes on inadequate teaching, ignoring the larger culprit of poverty (and all of its subsequent accoutrements) which has been proven statistically to be the overwhelming determining factor in student achievement. Billion dollar money maker corporations who know nothing about children or learning bear no shame for their purposeful malicious ignorance. Driven by their lobbying efforts (a whole lot of wordsmithery), states have granted these corporate managers unfettered access in a misguided effort to raise the achievement levels of children when all that's really being raised is profit. Most of these billion dollar "reformers," in the corporations and in the legislatures, have spent zero time in the classroom other than when they were students so long ago. And coupled with their glaring ignorance of pedagogy, child development, and matters of curriculum, all more significant factors than rigorous tests, they possess a total lack of ethical sensibility. The rot has extended down the food chain to even educators themselves, largely administrators, who seem more concerned with test scores and numerical data than nurturing students and staffs and their unique talents. These same tainted administrators tell half truths, often by omission, to staff and students regularly as they build their resumes in a quest for superintendency. These same corrupted administrators would throw a teacher under a bus without second thought if it meant pleasing a parent, avoiding a lawsuit, or impressing their supervisors. Unprofessional, immoral, they inexplicably behave with impunity. How many educators out there haven't yet been caught desperately manipulating test scores like those in Atlanta and Chicago?

To see one's profession become so grossly distorted, to face such an unstoppable flesh eating disease consuming all in its path, spawns futility. One toll already being paid is one of collective silence and fear. In a fit of learned helplessness against such overpowering gangrene, many teachers have simply amputated their will to fight. In a slow chipping away of one's integrity, one's passion, one's soul, we wonder what will, at the end, remain?

I can only hope that my colleagues and I may be buoyed enough by the rising number of Davids out there challenging these Goliaths. The teachers in Seattle who refuse to administer standardized tests, the parents who refuse to subject their young children to hours of testing at the expense of other active learning opportunities, the state of Kentucky calling for a moratorium on the new CCSS online assessments until Pearson can eliminate all of the connectivity and scoring issues, in their slingshots rest words, spread by social media, spread at education conferences, spread among the disheartened, disenfranchised, and the discouraged.

For through all of my experience I know this. If we do not use our words for the betterment of society and ourselves, if we do not use our words for good, if we do not write the truth and speak it repetitively despite possible repercussions, malice wins. When that day arrives, I fear a large number of incredibly talented, beloved teachers will leave the profession in droves. I may be one of them, And it is unlikely that the best and brightest among us will line up eagerly and passionately to join in the festering decay that remains.

Malice or good? It's time to choose.